


Tie a Knot and Go On.

by love2imagine



Category: White Collar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 12:29:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2025180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love2imagine/pseuds/love2imagine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, the best laid plans fall apart through the unanticipated actions of others. </p><p>Takes place after No Good Deed. Who knows how AU it is?  Spoilers for Checkmate, Up in the Air, Pilot, Out of the Box and possibly others! </p><p>A different POV…don’t hate me! It’s a story! Mostly ironic and satirical.</p><p>James has been lying low after leaving Neal's, but has to meet Mozzie to find out why their plans aborted.<br/>Though we know there were more twists to their story, more knots to tie, they might have been the only ones who really got something out of Season 5, and perhaps the rest of their plan fell into place…? We’ll have to wait and see.</p><p>Original story setting and characters of White Collar belong to Jeff Eastin. Original story, mistakes, are mine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tie a Knot and Go On.

**Author's Note:**

> The Duke of Wellington, being asked how it was that he had succeeded in beating Napoleon's Marshals, one after another, said " I will tell you. They planned their campaigns just as you might make a splendid set of harness. It looks very well ; and answers very well ; until it gets broken ; and then you are done for. Now I made my campaigns of ropes. If anything went wrong, I tied a knot; and went on."

 

 

 

There were similarities between James and Neal, Mozzie thought. Quite a few.

 

_The blue eyes, the charming smile, the thick head of lovely hair…it’s okay to be a little envious, why so **many** gifts?...the ability to hold a grudge ( but only when really wronged) their brilliance, thinking outside the box, their criminal smarts, their loyalty._

 

“You do realise he’s ruined _everything?”_ James snarled.

_The tendency to over-react, to explode at sudden reversal of fortune, the ability to radiate fury in every direction like a super-efficient furnace…_

 

“We did keep a lot of secrets from him,” Mozzie said, placatingly.

 

“What the hell is wrong with him? Are you sure he’s my kid?”

 

Mozzie stayed silent. After all, he hadn’t ever made that statement, or accusation! “You think the System faked the DNA samples?” he asked. “I wouldn’t put it past them. Or the Suit lied! _Quelle surprise!_ ”

 

James paused in his angry-tiger-in-a-cage pacing and looked down. “Actually, Moz, this time I don’t think it was a conspiracy. Much as I would like to disown him at this moment. Well – I could disown him! I _should_ disown him! But I _love him!_ I knew him the moment I saw him, all grown up, I loved him. _”_

 

Mozzie’s expression softened as James fell into the opposite chair. He pushed all his fingers through his mop of thick hair (just as Neal did) and looked frustrated rather than furious. “We have to start again. There’s nothing else for it.”

 

‘It’s not quite starting again, James,” Mozzie pointed out. “Much of the foundation is intact. We can use that.”

 

“Explain to me again why my brilliant son likes, trusts, has any good feelings at all for this Agent?”

 

“I think it may be Stockholm Syndrome.”

 

“You mean, he’s desperate for a daddy because I left the family all alone when he was so young?

............“Don’t blame me: I told you, I had no choice. They would have been killed if I hadn’t taken the blame. You didn’t know Kathryn and Pratt and the others...it wasn’t an idle threat! She shot Walker without a thought, cold blooded little - ” He swallowed. “He was a good man, a good officer. And then her contacts get her placed with my son and wife, and from everything I hear, my wife's life was destroyed...she was destroyed. She never was a rock of stability, but from what I've heard over the years...! And kept and protected so long in Witsec...perhaps Kathryn is responsible for Neal's mental state, also... ”

 

“Well, neither you nor I, nor any other criminal I’ve ever known has sent gifts and cards to the Agent chasing them, nor taken the kind of shit that Burke has handed out and gone back for more, over and over. You tell me.”

 

“Abegnale did, a bit, but again – little-boy-lost type. Damn Pratt and his coterie all to hell!

........“Burke thinks you’re okay with him, yes?”

 

“Yes. Neal thinks so, too…which just shows how muddle-headed he’s become, James - we have to rescue him, if we do nothing else!”

 

“Shows how easily The Man can be fooled, too.

........“Oh, Mozzie Dante Haversham, it went so _perfectly!_ – and then he ruins it. _”_

 

“I tried to talk him out of it, but he had already made the deal with Hagen! I couldn’t leave him hanging there, owing a man like that… he knows how good I am. I couldn’t just do a poor job, you know?”

 

“Well, it’s your pride at stake, apart from keeping his confidence! I understand that. Not holding it against you.”

 

“Mmm.” Mozzie was grateful for that! James would make a bad enemy. He just never gave up.

 

“So now whatever we do, he’s going to keep on hating me!”

 

“He might. Sorry, James.”

 

“Oh, my fault! I didn’t trust you! Thought you’d been at the loopy-juice! I still can’t believe he wanted me to turn myself in, rather than let the agent that put him inside have a little of the ‘reality experience’. I’m his _father!_ And an _out-law! -_ Not originally by choice, grant it, but I’ve since become very good at it! Had to. Survival. Not as though he hasn't felt the same!”

 

“I told you, we should have explained it all to him right at the start, made him sympathetic towards you. But **_no_** , you wanted it to be a surprise. Well – **_surprise!”_**

 

“Okay, you told me so - we start again.

........“Tell me why he’s so forgiving towards this Burke?”

 

“For capturing him? Says he was ‘doing his job’.”

 

James turned and looked hard at him. “You were his _mentor_ …ever explain the principle, here?

........“It’s _his_ job, as a criminal in good standing, to evade capture and escape again as soon as possible _if_ captured, and generally dislike the officers of the law – or hate them, that’s an okay option. Does he think that mice make friends with cats?

........“I mean – look at agriculture! Men make friends with cows and chickens. And some of those dumb animals make friends right back…right up until they end up on the dinner table! My son, the get of my loins, is stupider than a cow or a chicken?

........“Oh, what did I _ever_ do to deserve this?”

 

James got up and proceeded to pace back and forth again, ruining his hair.

 

 _If I’d done that_ , Moz thought, _it would be understandable if I went bald…but NO-O-O, they do it and the hair grows lush as a green bay tree! Wonder if – nah, probably too late to start…_

“Perhaps his mother fooled around?” James grasped at this fragile straw eagerly. “Perhaps the DNA _was_ faked! Perhaps he isn’t mine! All that visceral reaction might be wishful thinking on my part!”

 

Mozzie tipped his head and James followed it and saw his reflection. He growled. “All right! He’s mine! Got to put it down to the vagaries of genetics! He gets my looks and brains and his mother’s foolish, romantic heart…we could explain it that way.

........”And it certainly would be in Kathryn's interests to somehow influence him into trusting all cops but me...the closer she can keep him to her, and the dirty cops, the easier it is for them to control him. And the more he's controlled, the easier it is to try and lure me to him, which is exactly what happened, Moz. I should have gone and lived in Terra del Fuego and forgotten all about him. But when I heard he'd been in contact with her again, that Pratt was sniffing about, I had to try and save him, and then heard about Burke...you're _sure_ he isn't one of the corrupt LEO's?"

 

"He's corrupt, all right, James, but not that way. He's just mean and controlling, but as far as I can tell, he's not taking orders from some evil cabal."

 

James drew a deep breath, steadied himself and continued,

“It all worked out so well…finding the so-called evidence box, getting Senator Pratt…was there ever such a well-named bastard …and getting him there _on time,_ having Neal get the faked evidence away and shooting the evil cop – former evil cop, present evil Senator - that set me up and tried so hard to put me away and ruined my life! Not that I had much choice when I shot him, he was going to kill me, he knew I knew his secrets! He certainly hasn’t changed!

........“Actually, his goon got the drop on me. I didn’t have the chance to pull my weapon out – I was just fortunate that he’d left Burke’s gun right there and I’m still as fast as I ever was! And _Burke’s weapon!_ How perfect was that for our plan?”

 

“Yeah – and finding another corrupt prosecutor on the make, just the same, to get Burke! That took some finagling, too, let me tell you, to get all those ducks in a row! It was a done deal Burke would be put inside. Teach him a bit about the realities of the situation.

........“And, James, did he ruin your life?”

 

James looked at him, realising the question. “Um…he lost me my son. It ruined my wife’s life, she died very young. But if I leave my family out of it, I’ve had some fun, you know? If I can just save Neal…”

 

“That’s been the plan since Burke trapped him.”

 

“I don’t understand why Neal looked at the fake evidence, or believed it! If it was true, why would that Pratt try and shoot me, after all? Even Burke told him on the phone it was self-defence!”

 

“He’s never sure whether to trust us, his family, or Burke and the System. He thinks because we’re cons, we lie and foolishly believes they don’t. He doesn’t know the whole thing was a set-up: you had to confess to save his mother and him, and Ellen wasn’t the little Mother Theresa he thought she was.

........“Sounds as though she thought pretending to stand up for ‘justice’ against you made her look good; she expected a fat promotion but at least she got the son she always wanted… compromising the evidence to implicate you was smart and she did it well, even without your ‘confession’.”

 

“She swopped our service weapons. So easy if the sap trusts you! I even know when she did it, looking back. I heard the shot from outside, as I was running in and it did sound odd – you know how echoes can modify the sound? - but I checked for my spare and it was gone. I always thought she’d shot him with that.

         “She turned to me, so cool – he had hardly hit the floor.

........“I realised when I saw the copy at Neal’s of the report she’d filed that she’d just taken it so I couldn’t defend myself. She let me run, wanting me to be shot down as a cop-killer. Admission of guilt, they always think that, and there were enough of them, they should have got me. I wasn’t even smart or anything, back then, just very lucky. And fast on my feet.”

 

“Another Bennett trait.

........“But that single little detail made him think everything you said was a lie?”

 

“To be honest, when Neal accused me, I was still working out what must have happened. I didn’t think it was important – she shot Walker, and framed me, _that_ was important.

........“It was all to get rid of Walker, my CO, he was onto them, and they needed a sap, a patsy - me. I found out some of what it was all about afterwards. I was just in the paddling pool of an ocean of corruption! And Kathryn got her corrupt cop friends, including Pratt, to threaten my family, so I had to go along with her scheme and just leave them. They didn’t want to take me in, some truth might have leaked out by accident! I was lucky, that’s for sure, to get away. Pratt's goons landed in Montana the day after I fled.

........"The evidence Kathryn put together was damning, anyway. And her looks made it easy for her to play the poor-little-girl-cop, my partner’s a Bad Man, boo-hoo, I’m scared…that went down easier in those days, Moz.”

 James took an unsteady breath.

“But – but it broke my heart, seeing him, my _son_ , look at me that way, the way they all looked at me when I went to some of them for help…choosing his handler rather than me, believing the worst of me.

........“He thinks I don’t know what false evidence can do? _Me?_ He thinks I would be cleared, he thinks I’d trust Burke to do the right thing? Never! Even if I wasn’t trying to use my revenge on Pratt to get revenge on Burke for my Neal - _never!_

........“And thank you so much for saving the evidence for me. You knew Pratt was there and might try and grab it, I suppose? He might have got it, everything could have gone sideways…but as it happens, Neal saw the fake and believed it. I was so shaken, hovering between grief and fury, I just left it there, on his table. But I thought I could trust him.

........"Don’t know, now.”

 

“I wasn’t sure about you…you were so angry, Pratt was there, I didn’t know what you would do. I just wanted to get the evidence to safety.

........“But Neal read it and thought you wanted to find the real evidence and bury it…didn’t realise you wanted to find the fake evidence to make yourself safer, once Pratt was gone.

         “You left it, but I made sure it was relocated to a safe spot where, trust me, no-one will ever find it, and if someone attempts unauthorised entry, it will self-destruct.”

 Mozzie sighed, and continued, “We should have explained it all to Neal because he does have a weakness for women. Deep and dangerous vein of chivalry in the Bennett family! – you saving your wife, being totally fooled by Kathryn - can’t blame Neal for falling for and trusting Ellen, and Kate, and El and Rebecca…he comes by that flaw honestly, James!”

 

“Yeah, and now Federal Agents – just _perfect!”_ James spat out.

“So who killed Ellen, then? I think Neal may now think it was you.”

 

“No, that was Pratt’s goons. Apart from me, I believe she was the last one alive who knew the details…she knew too much for him to feel safe. She knew that, too! It was because he was looking for her that I came back into the picture.”

 

James looked out of the window of the small, anonymous apartment, not seeing the shades of grey concrete on grey concrete. “Not that I shouldn’t have wanted her dead…but I didn’t do it. I guess I thought she might have changed. She did look after Neal for me, somewhat, when his mother died.

........“And though she shot Walker, she _might_ have been threatened into doing it. Not sure. I _am_ sure she gave them a song-and-dance about how dangerous I was, how scared she was of me coming back for revenge, so that she joined my family in WitSec. She was all over the news. As you say, she got Neal as her son. And, perhaps more importantly, she was protected from all the other corrupt cops…so she might not have been all bad.”

 

Mozzie stared at him. He said she was a cold-blooded killer, she’s certainly done her level best to put the System _and_ his son against him, yet he still couldn’t face the thought of shooting her. _Cold blooded killers don’t change! It’s something in their make-up. But Neal would have looked for excuses not to kill her, too. Chivalry will never be dead while a Bennett lives! Note to self: take heed and beware, this really is a weakness!_

 

James was speaking: “You know, Mozzie, you’ve been a very good friend to us. You’ve been with him a lot of the time…Do you think he’s mentally or emotionally so crippled that he’s beyond saving?” James asked, plunking himself back down and looking at Mozzie with such anguish that Mozzie felt his heart constrict. And Mozzie always had his emotions under control…almost always. Liked his head clear.

 

_Just as Neal was over that little…Kate._

James cleared his throat and went on, “We could just walk away. Burke’s free but he’s had a bit of a scare, it might make him a little more sympathetic, Neal will be working with him which is what he seems to want…”

 

“I’m not sure Burke would understand sympathy if it sank serrated teeth deep into his hard-ass. And you’re wanted for a murder, James. A justifiable one, but they don’t know that. _Neal_ doesn’t know that.”

 

“I said self-defence, even Burke said it. But if Neal’s that damaged, I don’t care all that much. I wish he wasn’t, but I’m not sure anything we do will help! And it’s not as though I’m bad at changing identities and disappearing, that’s the least of my worries…wanted for one murder I didn’t commit, or one totally justifiable homicide I did that I really wanted to, doesn’t make much difference.

........“I wanted my son to know me, know who I am and to love me, Mozzie, but I’ve lived most of his life without him. It’s hard, but not impossible…”

 

“He should understand about Pratt. After all, he went after Fowler, thinking he’d killed Kate. Pratt and Ellen and did far worse things to you and your family.”

 

“Yeah - partners…I would never have thought it of Kathryn – sorry, Ellen. You’re right – I was the same as Neal…she looked so innocent and pure! I was blind.”

 

“I saw her video. Pure as the driven snow! Neal swallowed it whole, not a question! And he’s a conman! I am, and I ask questions all the time: is this a lie? What do they want me to believe? Not Neal!

........“So you just want to abandon the whole project?”

 

“There’s such a thing as diminishing returns, my friend.”

 

Mozzie thought a while, got up, poured them each a glass of wine and came back and sat. “He’s got so much potential!”

 

“I always thought so. But you know – a Ming vase with a crack may still be beautiful, but worthless, ready to smash at a moment’s notice! Remember Stazzy? Best damn safe-cracker I ever worked with! But if there’s a mouse – if he _thinks_ there’s a mouse, a _whisker_ of a mouse - he’s hanging like a Christmas ornament from the drapes! I don’t want to work with someone who freaks out if a drawer squeaks or a Disney Cartoon comes on the TV in the background!”  

James took a swig of the very excellent wine and made Mozzie wince. That was no way to treat this lovely Californian Cabernet Sauvignon, that Mozzie liked despite its very reasonable price tag!

         “And then there was Samson!” James went on. “Strong as a whole span of oxen, but if his wife gets upset with him, he comes apart at the seams – either he doesn’t show up at all, or he starts to weep and leave DNA at the scene – he was a secretor! I didn’t know whether to hand out tissues, or shoot him on the spot! And I don’t like gratuitous violence, Mozzie, never did.

         “If Neal has a tendency to develop sudden soft spots for FBI agents, bank security guards, cops, lollipop ladies and lawyers, I have no use for him. Best thing we can do – get him into some sort of home for the mentally insane, provide lots of canvasses and paints and get on with our lives!”

 

“I think you may be jumping the – er – gun, James. The foundation is still strong! We can pick up the pieces and fix this! Come on!”

 

“Well, getting Burke back in prison is the easy part. All I have to do is contact the authorities with an unbreakable alibi and tell them the tape is fake and that the prosecutor, Datson, Dawson, whatever, took a bribe. Shouldn’t be hard to plant some gold on him. You did keep…”

 

“’Course I did. Just a few. Neal sent them down a fire-hose chute at me!

........“He’s so good in a crisis!” Mozzie mourned and drank some more wine to dull the pain.

 

“So we give them enough to get a warrant, one of those useful, insane ‘anonymous tips’ - they search, they find – he _and_ Burke are back in prison. If we can implicate Burke in falsifying evidence, so much the better. He was my son’s handler, he must have had access to Neal’s phone, my voice, and he could get a machine, couldn’t he?”

 

“Well,” Mozzie grinned like an imp, “I could always _donate_ one to him – the very one used to make the audio ‘confession’! He’d have to have done it earlier, and therefore the murder is premeditated …even better!”

 

“That just leaves my son.”

 

“Who could go down for the gold, he did actually steal the stupid stuff, so we _have_ to get the recording from Hagen. And even if he doesn’t – Burke may try and keep him out of it, I can’t predict that, his ethics are all over the map! – Neal’s all tangled up with this Rebecca, and Hagen.”

 

“Hagen’s a lightweight. Not a bad brush-man, I've seen his work - but no subtlety at all! And blackmailing _my son_ \- ! - I’ll enjoy taking him down, getting the recording first. He may even resist giving it to me, for a while, which will make my life all the more meaningful!  

            “Then we plant some of the gold on him, too, take Neal out of the picture! Faking evidence is so much easier than avoiding leaving any, after all! My cop training comes in so useful! It’s kind of fun! Without the video, he’ll take the fall.

........“Even if I leave him alive…which I’m not feeling like doing, little weasel, what’s he going to say? - ‘No, I blackmailed Caffrey into doing it, honestly, Your Honour! It was him!’ He set everything else up, I’m sure we can lay a good trail. Neal just gave him the gold.

........“And that’s another thing that’s beginning to irritate – this whole Caffrey business. He’s my son, his name is Bennett! Anyway, if I can ever make him see the truth, hopefully he’ll drop this alias of his!

........“Now this …what’s her real name?”

 

“Rachel Turner. **_Very_** dangerous. She’s working with Hagen, they both think they’re playing the other.”

 

“Could we flip her?”

 

“We may be able to. I think she’s falling for Neal, but she’s one of the very smart ones, James. If she’s really in it just for this silly diamond, we can buy her off, especially if she likes Neal. Cash is never the problem. If we do, she could put a few nails in Hagen’s coffin…not necessarily literally. I also don’t much like violence unless unavoidable.”

 

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with a spook in the family. They’re notoriously fickle, they probably all end up dissociated and have no compunction about killing people. Sometimes more or less at random. And they’re very good at it.”

 

“Yeah. Neal is pretty gone on her, too…do you know, he was quite horrified that I’d even done a check on her?”

 

“Seriously? I may have to kill Burke with my bare hands! He’s broken my boy!”

 

“He hasn’t even noticed the plain glass in her spectacles! - they’re being _intimate,_ James, and he doesn’t notice! It’s so _tragic!_ The damage seems to be cumulative. Like mercury poisoning. Increasing Crazy.

........“I told him there was nothing on her…what could I do? She was, in a way, just a side issue!”

 

“S’long as she doesn’t kill anyone for kicks, I’m good with her. She’s pretty, clever, very nice legs, she’s keeping Neal occupied and exercised.”

 

“So our next move?”

 

“I want to think. Just having him indicted and imprisoned seems too good for Burke right now.”

 

“Well, we got back at him for lying to Neal – over and over - by feeding him false evidence as often as possible when Neal wasn’t in danger of being tossed back - even putting his fingerprint on that gun!

.......“He kept insisting Neal not lie to him, but he did it right from the start, about Kate! Yeah, he’s pretty dirty. It’s been kind of fun, though, having a captive government patsy! He’s just as tied to that bloody anklet as Neal is, after all!”

 

Mozzie drank more wine and refilled his glass. “I always swept Neal’s place for bugs, but of course I had it under surveillance the whole time. Good thing, too. Burke went through a stage of barging into Neal’s apartment in the early morning, eating food Neal made for himself and any guests, no courtesy, so I just waited there and doctored one of the dishes – I didn’t force him to eat it, but he did - gave him a little something, and _was he_ _sick !_ – had to take time off work!

........“Then I ‘cured’ him, that was fun, too! Nice to have him owe me one – not that I think Feds ever repay except in a bad way! I won’t tell you what was in that cure! I may tell _him_ one day, however. He’ll be dreadfully sick all over again!” Mozzie smiled happily at the thought. “And we got back at him for all the mess with Kate, at least some of the misery he put Neal through – well, getting Keller to capture _him_ , of course, and then giving Keller good reasons for kidnapping Elizabeth.”

 

“Another idiot! He’s supposed to be this mastermind, and he leaves her free in a room with a mental retard, and _in the City_ , for heaven’s sake! Sloppy! That’s the problem with having to use others. Only good thing, I suppose, is that brainless criminals make the LEO’s over-cocky and complacent, so easier for us in the long run...and Burke _was_ upset, but for a sadly short time!”

 

“I know. But we had to have someone to draw fire, we couldn’t do it all ourselves, though Keller needed quite a lot of help to pull off getting Burke!”

 

“He got his freedom for that, which is way more than he deserved!”

 

“Yeah, then, but he kept his promise in the end, and in return for quite a handsome payment, took the fall for the U-boat and cleared Neal. So not altogether bad. If we can free him without danger to ourselves, probably wouldn’t hurt. Lucky we were using him, I had that contingency in place – Neal was all ready to confess, did you know? He actually told Peter so. And he didn’t even _do it!”_

 

“O-ooh!” James moaned piteously, like a wounded animal.

 

“He told me Burke was pleased that he was ready to ‘do the right thing’…but he didn’t actually steal the stuff, so it would have been perjury!”

 

         James moaned again, and Mozzie went on, “Yeah, sorry – and he wasn’t saving anyone. Except he might have thought he was directing suspicion away from me…like I need his help!

........“He just thought it was the right thing to do, he felt guilty for what happened to Mrs Suit! As though **_he’d_** kidnapped her!

........“It was quite a while ago I started having to always think of how he might react, how Burke had infected him.”

 

James looked out the window a moment, blinking back tears of loss and despair. He took a deep breath and said, calmly, “This whole plan has cost you dearly, Mozzie…all the years, the wealth, the chances lost – it’s been a horrible burden. I am so sorry. It was good of you to do this, keep Neal on your side, keep trying to take Burke down. You could have been doing so many other things with your life!”

 

“He’s my friend, James. He was never like this until Burke came along and he became bewitched. He was fantastic to work with, truly! You’re not seeing him at anything like his best…it has always seemed worth it to try and rehabilitate him.

         “And using Keller was strategic: this way, we’re free and clear with a little more than half the treasure. Otherwise the Feds would have always been sniffing for it.

........“And Burke was upset about his missus, but never did it enter his head to compare his situation with Neal’s when he was seeking for Kate, never showed any empathy.”

 

“Yeah, I’d really like Burke to have an extended stay in prison. At least eight years, as long as my son’s sentences. He has no idea…so _smug!_ I hope I was never like that, when I was on that side of the thin blue line, but maybe I was. I was very young, after all! Idealistic. Got that beaten out of me by Pratt and the rest! Taught me there’s no such thing as a ‘good guy’ I could trust. I hadn't taken any money, you know, when they 'recruited me'? Oh, I was thiking about it, holding it - but then they had enough to blackmail me. There were so many of them, in positions of power. I was so low on the totem pole.”

........“I’d have put Mrs Suit on a submarine or something, if I’d taken her. No need to hurt her, she’s just collateral, but no need to make it easy for her to escape!"

 

“She sometimes was nice to Neal, but was just as ready to turn on him and cuddle up to that one-dollar-a-corner haircut she calls a husband! And she’s getting worse, didn’t even thank Neal for getting Peter out!”

 

“He didn’t, either, did he?”

 

“Nope. Just told him what an evil bastard he was.

         “And oh, _did_ we get back at him for the motel…lucky you knew a guy! All the time Neal was re-incarcerated after the plane blew up, I just introduced bed-bugs and cockroaches and ants into their house every day! – they came very nicely packaged, too, by the way, I wanted to thank you for that. I’d be happy to give a recommendation to your bug-source, if ever needed.

........“They went to hotels, well, gee, that was even easier! And everywhere they went, mad dogs were sure to follow! They put their dog in a kennel, thinking he was the problem, which I’m glad about. No use bothering the _real_ dumb animals!”

 

“Bitch in heat?”

 

“Yeah – amazing the urines you can buy in neat little sprays nowadays, if you know where to go! It was nice they went to a different hotel every time they brought in the exterminators, I just followed them around!

........“And I went into their house and wrecked their bed and blocked up all the pipes. I’d have added wool-moths to replicate the clothing the System gave Neal when he was first out, but no point – there are no such things as polyester moths. His clothes can’t be made much worse than they are.”

 

“It was perfect, Neal going to prison for one reason : he had such a good alibi!” They chuckled a little, and Mozzie said,

         “Prison never made him as unstable as being with the Feds.”

 

“And he didn’t notice Burke’s bite-marks?”

 

“No, Neal _was_ distraught, not being observant. And Burke was trying to keep all that from him.”

 

“He really is a mean bastard, isn’t he?”

 

Mozzie poured more wine. “I don’t know that he _was_ being mean then – I think he was actually sorry for Neal, what with Kate being blown up and all. Or he didn’t want his pet case-solver too traumatised to help him get his work done! Can’t tell. Fed. Strange reasoning.

........“Didn’t want to make things worse moaning about his ‘little problems’. His little biting, creeping problems! I don’t think Mr. and Mrs. Suit slept much for all the time Neal was away! Neal thought Peter was not sleeping worrying about _him! Ha!_ ” Mozzie grinned.

 

“You got pictures?”

 

“What do you think? Pictures, night-vision video, the whole bit! You should hear some of the language! You might even learn something! I enjoy reruns on rainy nights when I’m feeling low about Neal!”

 

“ _I’d_ like to see those, I’ll bring pop-corn – and if we can ever save Neal, maybe he can appreciate them later.”

 

“Maybe. So now it’s just getting Burke put away.”

 

“Well, we should get Neal ‘kidnapped’ or something so he’s got an alibi.”

 

“Yeah, you know, that’s not a bad idea! Don’t want him back inside again, it’ll have to be kidnapping. We’ll have to time it perfectly. And when he gets back and finds Burke gone away to the Big House, he’ll be so upset, everyone will believe him that he had nothing to do with it. I have a very good crew for this. I’ll have video of where they’re holding him, time stamped, news-papers, everything…it'll be easy ebcause he really _will_ be kidnapped.”

 

Mozzie paused, thinking, and went on,

         “…You know…we might have to just keep him, he might go all weak-kneed and feel it’s his duty to go back to prison for not saving Burke – again! Do you know how many times he has, with or without my reluctant help?”

 

“You’re serious – yeah, that _was_ his reaction before, with the treasure and Burke’s wife, wasn’t it! Are you _sure_ they aren’t drugging him?”

 

Mozzie shook his head. “I’ve done random testing of the foods and drinks at his place, but can’t be sure of the stuff at work. He says the coffee there is dreadful, perhaps deliberately so they can lace it with something without him noticing? I can’t ask for urine samples, James!

........“Every now and then I think he’s waking from his fixation dream and then, for no reason I can see, he’s lost to me again. But as Ambrose Bierce said, ‘Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder’. So we remove him. If it’s drugs, they’ll wear off, too.”

 

“He loves a Fed?” James eyes were blank with the sort of horror that Mozzie, who had no issue, would never know. He could give little consolation.

 

“Love is the only drug that destroys every mind, from the least to the greatest,” he tried. “Perhaps he thought, like Lincoln, that he was destroying his enemies by befriending them? Hesse said that often it is the most deserving people who cannot help loving those who destroy them.”

 

James smiled at him sadly. When Mozzie started quoting so incessantly, it often meant he had nothing else to offer.

 

“What’s my alibi for the Senator’s shooting going to be?”

 

“Let’s work it out! If anyone is good at forging – evidence, whatever, with all our experience, it’s us! And we have motivation! I’ve got lots of wine, and Neal’s _very_ busy with Rebecca…

........“…I wonder if therapy would help?”

 

“Neal?”

 

"Well, I didn't mean Burke! I don't think any therapy de-smugs a Fed! Neal was so taken with him, I did wonder if he had some redeeming qualities. It never does to become too closed minded. I mean,  _you_ used to be a cop. But if anything, he's worse than I pictured them, close up. I don't know what Neal sees in him!"

 

 “But this has to be he last attempt, Moz. We can’t keep trying to save Neal from drowning if he keeps leaping back into the raging Mississippi because this Fed has convinced him he’s a fish.”

 

“ _Thank you!_ It’s a deal. I’m getting pretty tired of it myself, to be honest. It’s very restrictive! I like New York, but hey, there are other lovely cities, lots of fantastic jobs I’ve had to turn down!

........“And he’s too ready to suspect you or me, and both of us love him and have given so much for him, yet he keeps fawning all over Burke - well, I can’t explain it.

........“For my part, I can train another. Skills are teachable. Bad training is erasable. I’m sorry, James, I know he’s your son, but with all my experimental herbs and all my knowledge of mind-control experiments that the governments of the Earth have done, I can’t cure stupid.”

 

“So sad. He had so much _potential_ , Mozzie.”

 

“I know, I know! Before Burke, he was the greatest.

........“Look, we still can give it one last try! I know it seems hopeless, but we’ll get him right away from here! With enough time, sunshine, good food and care, lots of love and support he may pull through, James. Don’t despair! Miracles happen! Just keep believing.”

 

James raised his glass. “One last try.”

 

 

 

 

 

End

 

 And there you go - one odd theory about Neal's kidnapping at the end of S5!

Please do let me know how you liked it! Or if you hated it - there were so many loopholes and unanswered questions, felt I had to try a different look at them, a different angle to the story.

 


End file.
